“Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”Anne of Green Gables – L.M. Montgomery
It’s fair to say that Tuesday was a pretty rubbish day.
In fact Monday wasn’t great either.
Fatigue (probably a bit of stress too), and a couple of errors of judgement (thanks largely to said fatigue) had me in a blubbering mess by the time I hit the gym after my morning swim session. I managed to smack the back of my head on a bar doing (attempting) squats, dropped the weights off both ends of the bar sending them cascading unceremoniously onto the gym floor (also, in this instance definitely “attempting” to do squats) and found myself hopping with as much bounce as a 10kg medicine ball not knowing whether to laugh or cry. So I did both.
It wasn’t a “productive” day. I’d hoped to knock out a solid couple of hours of uni given it’s my lightest training day for the week. I did none.
But at least I cleaned my bikes
I’d really rather forget.
Or Perhaps a do-over.
I arrived in Caboolture, pulled my sparkling clean TT bike out of the car ready to do some TT efforts out towards Toorbul.
The brakes were jammed.
So I decided to tinker.
I went from jamming brakes to no brakes at all.
The bike is now in the trusty hands of My Bike Shop getting some TLC as we speak……..
We ditched the ride and just did the planned 20km run off the bike (yes, 20km… hence the fatigue!). Usually I’d be livid about such a situation and be grappling at ways I could “make it up”, but I accepted it readily. I’d like to think it’s because I’ve matured as an athlete and was able to take the situation rationally rather than emotionally. In reality I think I was just too tired to care, and relieved for the reprieve.
My coach, Mossy, rode the MTB with me for the run and we headed for coffee afterwards. An early finish for a Tuesday morning. Happy Days!
Until I realised there was something missing…
I had taken Mossy’s MTB up to Caboolture in my car so he could ride it while I ran (he was on the scooter for the bike session).
I’d loaded it back onto my roof to drive home but – somehow – managed to leave the front wheel behind. I went straight back to where I’d been parked as soon as I noticed, but it was no longer there.
It had been taken.
So I returned one MTB minus the front wheel.
Oh boy did I feel bad! (still do)
Needless to say, more tears were shed.
To quote Anne again;
“Well, we all make mistakes, dear, so just put it behind you. We should regret our mistakes and learn from them, but never carry them forward into the future with us.”Anne of Green Gables – L.M. Montgomery
It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut and perpetuate a state of negativity.
I would know, I’m very good at it.
“Let it go” as my coach always says.
But I just don’t seem to know how.
I woke on Wednesday still feeling quite down on the last couple of days, and feeling terribly bad about what had happened on Tuesday.
I knew holding onto it wasn’t going to solve anything though.
It wouldn’t bring the wheel back, and it wouldn’t help me get back into the swing of things with training.
Training had been going so well, I’d been on a roll, but now I was beginning to feel anxious my run was over. The last few day’s I’d been a mess, and I was feeling very mentally fatigued. I was in danger of slipping back into my old bad habits of constantly looking forward and wondering “how on earth am I going to get through the next few days of training? I’m already so tired. What if I can’t deliver on what’s asked of me in the sessions?”.
The last few months I’ve been able to string together my most consistent training in years, in fact probably ever.
Because when 2020 went arse up I was forced to just take each day as it came, just to get through.
With a lack of any racing there was no purpose to my training other than simply to train, as something to do. So I just enjoyed it, each session for it’s own challenges and adventures.
And with no racing came no expectations, no pressure. I wasn’t worried about hitting or not hitting times, about how fit or unfit I was. So, naturally, I began to hit times I’d never hit before, and gain a level of fitness I haven’t seen in years.
All because I had been half forced into it by circumstance, and half discovered, the power that is staying in the moment.
I found myself contemplating this on my long ride on Wednesday morning.
As I mentioned earlier, I’m not very good at just letting things go, so I was also still stewing somewhat over the events of Tuesday.
But then I thought.
I can’t just tell myself to stop thinking about Tuesday, or any of the other things that were worrying me at that point.
It doesn’t work like that.
I could decide to just enjoy my long ride. The very same process that got me through to this point.
So I did.
Low and behold, I had let Tuesday go, and was no longer worried about Thursday, simply by living in Wednesday.
Once again, I just took each day as it came.
I made the conscious decision to just enjoy the training.
I took off the pressure that was beginning to mount again.
So what happened Thursday?
More PBs of course!
Oh, and I found my bike light… Sitting on the drivers seat of my car, where it had been in plain sight since Tuesday…